Picture it: Hoff House. Sunday the 12th. 9:30 AM. I had just finished up brushing my teeth when I felt my nose start to drip. Nose dripping in Ohio in the fall...that means allergies. I reached over to grab a tissue and I caught my reflection in the mirror: I saw blood start to slowly drain out of my nose.
Now I have had one other nose bleed before and that was in February this year. Only that time, it was at work on my lunch hour. I managed to get it stopped, and I didn't think another thing about it. But this nose bleed was very different. Very, very different.
I stuffed the tissue up my nostrils and tilted my head back. I mean, that's what you supposed to do, right? That's what I have heard all my life. The tissue was quickly soaked with blood. I grab some paper towels and headed for the couch so I could lay my head back and do it comfortably. As I sat there, to my horror, I began to realize that the blood was flowing back down my throat. In the back of my mind, I could see that scene in the Alfred Hitchcock thriller, Psycho, where you hear Norman Bates scream "Oh God, Mother! Blood! Blood!" I tell Paula I'm swallowing my own blood and a lot of it. She grabs some ice, put it in a bag, and handed it to me along with more paper towels. I clamped my nose, sat with my head back and continued to swallow my own blood. Paula quickly grabbed her Kindle and looked up nose bleeds on WebMD. We were shocked to find out that nose bleeders should sit with their head tipped forward. I quickly sat with my head tipped forward. I told Paula that my paper towels were soaked with blood. She grabbed a hand towel. As I handed her the paper towels, it was as if someone turned the facet on in my nose because blood began to gush out of my nostrils. This was the Hoover Dam of nose bleeds.
Now, usually blood doesn't bother me. Being a father of two girls, I have bandaged many a skinned knee. No big whoop. But this was different.
Ten minutes had past, I saw how Paula was struggling to keep her cool in the face of my bloodshed. I stood up and said I needed to get to the ER. Paula hollered for the girls to grab their shoes and we left.
As we were walking (hurriedly) in the ER, the nurse at the front desk said "We got a bleeder!" I answered the plethora of questions as I leaned against the desk. I removed the towel from my face and blood continued to just gush out of my nose. The nurse quickly took me back and had me sit a wheelchair as she continued to ask me questions. Have I had nose bleeds before? Am I a Meth user? Have I ever used cocaine? I was actually appalled that I was being asked those questions, even though I know they must ask because Meth and Coke could lead to nose bleeds and the professionals had to know what they were dealing with in my situation.
Another nurse stepped into the space where I sat and her face fell. "God love your face!", she said as she shook her head in disbelief. She told me blood was smeared all over my mouth, cheeks, and running down my neck. A few splotches of blood were on my white Ruby shirt. The hand towel I had been clutching was just drenched, and I mean DRENCHED with my blood. In fact, seeing that made me sick on my stomach. Nurse 2 reached into her pocket and put an over-sized clamp on my nostrils, which stopped the blood flow. After taking my blood pressure (159/75), she wheeled me off to a cubicle
After taking off my shirt and T-shirt and donning a gown, (those wretched light-green gowns where the whole world sees your.....you know. Okay, butt. I said it!) Nurse 2 cleaned up my hands and my face with a warm, wet washcloth. For a moment, I almost felt human.
A doctor saw me for the first time. He asked me if I was a drug user (didn't I already answer that question?) and he had asked me what was I doing when the nose bleed occurred. Answer: brushing my teeth. The doctor laughed and told me I needed to stop brushing my teeth to prevent further nose bleeds. Funny doc. That's why you are here in a hospital and not at open mic night at the local watering hole. He then asked me if I had suffered nose bleeds before. Again, yes, in February and it wasn't this bad. He removed the clamp and to my relief, no blood spilled out of my nose. The well must have ran dry. With a lighted probe, he glanced up my nose and to my further relief, he announced the the bleeding had stopped on it's own. It was a good thing too because he said if it hadn't, they would have to use a device the shape of a tampon and cauterize the veins in my nose. As much fun as that sounded, I was thrilled that didn't come to pass. The doctor replaced the clamp on my nose and said he would check back with me in a about fifteen minutes. I guess he was going to go brush up on his joke telling skills.
A few minutes later, Paula and the girls joined me in the cubicle. It broke my heart to see Hannah staring at me. With almost glazed eyes, Hannah later told me she couldn't grasp what she was seeing: her Daddy, draped in the hospital gown and with a nose clamp pinching my nose. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears as she hugged me tightly. Soon after, my Dad appeared at the ER and took the girls back to the waiting area, where my step-mom Nancy took them to breakfast at Panera Bread. God bless grandparents.
A few minutes later, when I was about to lose my mind with the nose clamp, doctor number 2 entered my cubicle. Again with the same questions: Did I have a nose bleed before? Was I a drug user? I have to admit by this time I was about to lose whatever good humor I had. You would think in this age of medical forms being electronic, someone, ANYONE would have recorded my answers and save everyone some time and me my sanity. If that was possible. The doctor very patiently told me they have to verify information with patients. Whatever. As far as I was concerned, if I didn't get out of there soon and get some much-needed coffee, someone else would be on the gurney with that horrid clamp on their nose. I really need to address my caffeine addiction. Thankfully, that topic never came up in the myriad of questions I was asked.
Doc 2 told me that they were going to give my Afrin nasal spray because that would help constrict the vessels in the nose to prevent further nose bleeds. He went on to say that they see tons of nose bleeds this time of year because of how dry the weather had become. Also, he recommend that I line my nostrils with a line layer of Vaseline. That would keep them nice and moist. Goody Gumdrops!
Nurse number 3 came into my cube with the spray; she also finished off the endless barrage of questions. One of which she asked me if anyone at home was threatening me or hurting me. I was so taken aback by her question, as was my Dad and Paula. The look of disbelief on my Dad's face said it all. But to be honest, I only get threatened in a game of Euchre. But that is another post for another day.
As nurse 3 was finishing up, she regaled us with the story of a guy who had a nose bleed and he swallowed a lot of blood. So much blood, that he vomited it back up in the cubicle. She had said the place looked like a crime scene. I have to say she could really paint a picture! I told her that if she wanted to see blood, she should see the bloody dish towel I had. With a huge smile, she informed me she had already heard all about it. Aces.
After I finished putting my bloody shirt back on, Paula and I were relieved to be exiting the ER. As I walked with my arm around her waist, I thanked her for taking good care of me. We reached the entrance and this random guy told us to stop. With a growing sense of confusion, we stood there as the guy pointed to what he was seeing: a spider was lowering itself down from the ceiling on single strand of his web. The spider met an untimely demise under his size eleven Nikes. Good thing too, because I would have had to check Paula into the hospital for heart failure.
Moral of the story kids: if you happen to get a nose bleed, tilt your head forward and pinch your nostrils for ten minutes. Don't panic. As I learned, nose bleeds maybe messy and scary, but according to the doctor, they aren't serious. What does he know? He was too busy making dental jokes at Down the Pike. I still have my trusty nasal spray, and my nose is lined with Vaseline. The nose clamp is now keeping the bag of Mike Sells sealed.
Take care guys!
Now I have had one other nose bleed before and that was in February this year. Only that time, it was at work on my lunch hour. I managed to get it stopped, and I didn't think another thing about it. But this nose bleed was very different. Very, very different.
I stuffed the tissue up my nostrils and tilted my head back. I mean, that's what you supposed to do, right? That's what I have heard all my life. The tissue was quickly soaked with blood. I grab some paper towels and headed for the couch so I could lay my head back and do it comfortably. As I sat there, to my horror, I began to realize that the blood was flowing back down my throat. In the back of my mind, I could see that scene in the Alfred Hitchcock thriller, Psycho, where you hear Norman Bates scream "Oh God, Mother! Blood! Blood!" I tell Paula I'm swallowing my own blood and a lot of it. She grabs some ice, put it in a bag, and handed it to me along with more paper towels. I clamped my nose, sat with my head back and continued to swallow my own blood. Paula quickly grabbed her Kindle and looked up nose bleeds on WebMD. We were shocked to find out that nose bleeders should sit with their head tipped forward. I quickly sat with my head tipped forward. I told Paula that my paper towels were soaked with blood. She grabbed a hand towel. As I handed her the paper towels, it was as if someone turned the facet on in my nose because blood began to gush out of my nostrils. This was the Hoover Dam of nose bleeds.
Now, usually blood doesn't bother me. Being a father of two girls, I have bandaged many a skinned knee. No big whoop. But this was different.
Ten minutes had past, I saw how Paula was struggling to keep her cool in the face of my bloodshed. I stood up and said I needed to get to the ER. Paula hollered for the girls to grab their shoes and we left.
As we were walking (hurriedly) in the ER, the nurse at the front desk said "We got a bleeder!" I answered the plethora of questions as I leaned against the desk. I removed the towel from my face and blood continued to just gush out of my nose. The nurse quickly took me back and had me sit a wheelchair as she continued to ask me questions. Have I had nose bleeds before? Am I a Meth user? Have I ever used cocaine? I was actually appalled that I was being asked those questions, even though I know they must ask because Meth and Coke could lead to nose bleeds and the professionals had to know what they were dealing with in my situation.
Another nurse stepped into the space where I sat and her face fell. "God love your face!", she said as she shook her head in disbelief. She told me blood was smeared all over my mouth, cheeks, and running down my neck. A few splotches of blood were on my white Ruby shirt. The hand towel I had been clutching was just drenched, and I mean DRENCHED with my blood. In fact, seeing that made me sick on my stomach. Nurse 2 reached into her pocket and put an over-sized clamp on my nostrils, which stopped the blood flow. After taking my blood pressure (159/75), she wheeled me off to a cubicle
After taking off my shirt and T-shirt and donning a gown, (those wretched light-green gowns where the whole world sees your.....you know. Okay, butt. I said it!) Nurse 2 cleaned up my hands and my face with a warm, wet washcloth. For a moment, I almost felt human.
A doctor saw me for the first time. He asked me if I was a drug user (didn't I already answer that question?) and he had asked me what was I doing when the nose bleed occurred. Answer: brushing my teeth. The doctor laughed and told me I needed to stop brushing my teeth to prevent further nose bleeds. Funny doc. That's why you are here in a hospital and not at open mic night at the local watering hole. He then asked me if I had suffered nose bleeds before. Again, yes, in February and it wasn't this bad. He removed the clamp and to my relief, no blood spilled out of my nose. The well must have ran dry. With a lighted probe, he glanced up my nose and to my further relief, he announced the the bleeding had stopped on it's own. It was a good thing too because he said if it hadn't, they would have to use a device the shape of a tampon and cauterize the veins in my nose. As much fun as that sounded, I was thrilled that didn't come to pass. The doctor replaced the clamp on my nose and said he would check back with me in a about fifteen minutes. I guess he was going to go brush up on his joke telling skills.
A few minutes later, Paula and the girls joined me in the cubicle. It broke my heart to see Hannah staring at me. With almost glazed eyes, Hannah later told me she couldn't grasp what she was seeing: her Daddy, draped in the hospital gown and with a nose clamp pinching my nose. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears as she hugged me tightly. Soon after, my Dad appeared at the ER and took the girls back to the waiting area, where my step-mom Nancy took them to breakfast at Panera Bread. God bless grandparents.
A few minutes later, when I was about to lose my mind with the nose clamp, doctor number 2 entered my cubicle. Again with the same questions: Did I have a nose bleed before? Was I a drug user? I have to admit by this time I was about to lose whatever good humor I had. You would think in this age of medical forms being electronic, someone, ANYONE would have recorded my answers and save everyone some time and me my sanity. If that was possible. The doctor very patiently told me they have to verify information with patients. Whatever. As far as I was concerned, if I didn't get out of there soon and get some much-needed coffee, someone else would be on the gurney with that horrid clamp on their nose. I really need to address my caffeine addiction. Thankfully, that topic never came up in the myriad of questions I was asked.
Doc 2 told me that they were going to give my Afrin nasal spray because that would help constrict the vessels in the nose to prevent further nose bleeds. He went on to say that they see tons of nose bleeds this time of year because of how dry the weather had become. Also, he recommend that I line my nostrils with a line layer of Vaseline. That would keep them nice and moist. Goody Gumdrops!
Nurse number 3 came into my cube with the spray; she also finished off the endless barrage of questions. One of which she asked me if anyone at home was threatening me or hurting me. I was so taken aback by her question, as was my Dad and Paula. The look of disbelief on my Dad's face said it all. But to be honest, I only get threatened in a game of Euchre. But that is another post for another day.
As nurse 3 was finishing up, she regaled us with the story of a guy who had a nose bleed and he swallowed a lot of blood. So much blood, that he vomited it back up in the cubicle. She had said the place looked like a crime scene. I have to say she could really paint a picture! I told her that if she wanted to see blood, she should see the bloody dish towel I had. With a huge smile, she informed me she had already heard all about it. Aces.
After I finished putting my bloody shirt back on, Paula and I were relieved to be exiting the ER. As I walked with my arm around her waist, I thanked her for taking good care of me. We reached the entrance and this random guy told us to stop. With a growing sense of confusion, we stood there as the guy pointed to what he was seeing: a spider was lowering itself down from the ceiling on single strand of his web. The spider met an untimely demise under his size eleven Nikes. Good thing too, because I would have had to check Paula into the hospital for heart failure.
Moral of the story kids: if you happen to get a nose bleed, tilt your head forward and pinch your nostrils for ten minutes. Don't panic. As I learned, nose bleeds maybe messy and scary, but according to the doctor, they aren't serious. What does he know? He was too busy making dental jokes at Down the Pike. I still have my trusty nasal spray, and my nose is lined with Vaseline. The nose clamp is now keeping the bag of Mike Sells sealed.
Take care guys!
You really know how to tell a story, Dear.
ReplyDeleteBrain, what a story! The fact that you are okay is most important, but the ability to keep your humor in all of this is classic! I am glad I am not the only one who thinks that the questions they ask can be redundant and annoying. I am with Paula in the spider issue. I would have needed some oxygen after my "heart attack". Great read!
ReplyDeleteMy boys get nose bleeds on a regular basis, I have had to deal with blood stains in clothing, bedding, you name it. But none like yours. Just dry nose/air? Wow. But as soon as I read that you tipped your head back, I was yelling at the computer screen. "No! Don't! You'll swallow it! Tip it forward!" LOL. So glad you're okay, and that you had your lovely wife taking care of you. And grandparents to take the girls. I think I can speak for everyone when I say, "Don't do that again, okay?" LOL!
ReplyDeleteOh duh, I forgot what my Google name was. I'm KC. *eye roll*
Delete